In a Relationship #001

I have a difficult relationship with my God. Of course He was NEVER difficult with me, I was the one who was unfaithful, is unfaithful, most of the time. I'd like to think that I have never strayed away from my beliefs in Him, but I think that's out of my hands. All I can do about that is to just pray and pray and pray and in my deepest of prayers and mournings of past sins, of the times I forget Him, He forgives me. He never forsake me.

I am not a deeply religious person. Not pious. Not even remotely. I am just a person going on with her life, who at some point, realize that I need more than love and support and guidance. I need the spiritual push, the kind that uplifts you in the darkest of sorrows. The kind that lights the light at the end of the tunnel.

Please, don't think of me as waxing lyrical over this. I am not trying to be philosophical or retrospective or analytical over this. I am just trying to say that, after all this time, after the feeling of invincibility, I need to fall back on him. And guess what? He always has my back. Always.

Please Allah, give me the strength and wisdom to accept what You have given me, good and bad.

Tuhan Tolong Aku

*THUNDERS*

Sapa kata Aku tak tolong kau?
Sorry, that was Tuhan screaming in my head.

Aku seorang yang paranoid, kalau korang tak tahu lah. Aku sangat paranoid sebenarnya. Dan aku seorang yang sangat-sangat jealous dan sensitif. Macam manalah hubby boleh tahan perangai aku, aku pun tak tahu. (Mungkin Tuhan yang banyak tolong dia in that sense).

Dahlah aku paranoid, aku jugak sangat kuat berimaginasi. MasyaAllah, sungguh kuat imaginasi aku. Kalau imaginasi yang elok-elok je, tak pe jugak. Tapi ini tak, asyik-asyik imagine yang bukan-bukan.

Dahlah aku paranoid dan kuat berimaginasi, aku suka merajuk. Kadang-kadang tu, merajuk sebab benda-benda yang aku paranoidkan, lepas tu, imaginasi aku ialah benda yang bukan-bukan, padahal bukan betul pun. Lepas tu, aku merajuk. Apekah?

Tuhan, tolong hubby aku!

ps. Does this count as a surat chenta?