Hijrah Resolution

The list. OMG. I am making a list for 2012. Not so much the whole 'new-year-resolution' and all that, and you should now that I started this list way before December 2011. I think this simple list is just a reminder for me, of the things that I should focus on more (not 'achieve', achieve is an overrated word in this sense) this year and the years to come.

Yeah, yeah, lambat sangat buat list, ni dah masuk bulan February 2012, bla bla bla, yadda yadda yadda. So what? List aku kan? Target aku kan? Suka hati akulah nak start bila and nak end bila (eh, napa tiba-tiba sentap entah).  

So here it goes...

1. To be more involved in Little Miss' school work

I was involved, like, the night before her exam. Seriously. I am teaching my 7-year-old how to study last minute. How to burn the midnight oil. How to cram. Amazingly, she got number 1 in her class last year (proud mummy, sniffs) and she's now moved up one class for Standard 2. Understably, the competition is stiffer (like any Standard 2 class in any primary school in the whole wide world should be *___*) so being a kiasu mummy, I will make sure that Little Princess will spend at least 4 hours a day studying for her end of year exams. 

OH. MY. GOD. 

Yeah right.

I can't do that, can I? I can't, in good conscience, let my child go through all that. Hantar tuisyen? Paksa buat latih-tubi ala Kumon? It goes against all the rules I set out as being a parent (ceh, macam lah ada black and white set of rules pun, selama hari ni aku pakai formula redah je pun...). 

But one thing for sure, I want to be more involved in her learning process. I will try to enrich her learning experience. And so, to this end, 1433H/2012 will see more of:

• Trips to Petrosains
• Trips to Pusat Sains
• Trips to Planetarium Negara
• Trips to Zoo Negara
• Trips to Muzium Negara

I am also contemplating enrolling Little Miss in Math/Science classes, not the kind where you listen to lectures, but the kinds where she gets to do the experiments on her own. But so far, the ones I've come across quite the bomb, so we'll see about that. Susah-susah, aku google je, pastu carik tutorial via youtube and just have it DIY-style at home. Welcome to 21st Century parenting, yo!

2. To teach my kids how to ride a bicycle

Little Miss is 7. Little Hero will be 4 in February. Little Miss have yet to learn how to ride a bicycle without training wheels. Little Hero rides his cousin's hand-me-down Zebra Little Tykes rider-thingie. I don't want my kids to be fat, bratty kids who cannot even ride a bike. Come on lah, nama pun duduk kampung (walaupun tak berapa nak kampung). Takkan tak pandai naik basikal?

Ironically, this (hmmm.. apa ye? point ke? resolution ke? ape?) activity is actually also for me. Teach my kids to ride a bike = me being more active = me losing weight. Huhu. tak sah new year resolution kalau tak de lose weight somewhere in the mix. Cliche, I know, but dammit, I do wanna lose some!

3. To travel to 2 more SEA destinations

Before getting married, I had this grand idea of backpacking through SEA. How hubs and I would take train rides and boat rides to explore our neighbouring countries. I only get to visit a handful of them. Sedih. Been to Medan a twices ages ago. 2010 off to Vietnam. 2011 was Thailand's turn. So for 2012, I am aiming for Singapore (been there, but AAAAGES ago) and maybe, Cambodia? Or the Philippines? Singapore's a definite, the rest is still unwritten. 

4. To introduce ABC and 123 to Little Hero

As I mentioned before, Little Hero will be 4 soon. He's yet to hafal his ABCs and 123s (*gasps*). Actually, he does know the numbers at least, because he knows (as in, can say out loud) the numbers of the TV channels he's changing to. For example, I'll be watching Law and Order: SVU, he'll come scurrying into the room, grabbed the remote and say, "Umar nak tengok... anam... satu... three" while pressing the remote. The right numbers with the right sequence. Maknanya dia tahulah nombornya, just that dia malas nak kira bila-bila mama dia suruh dia kira 123. 

Okay, so this year, I want him to be able to relate that one = *, two = ** etc. Tahu nombor dan tahu bilangan adalah dua benda berbeza. And I think I'll also introduce him to colours, since he seems to really love colouring. 

some of you might go, eh, dah empat tahun baru nak introduce number, letters and colours? Well, I am not gonna lie. Sebelum ni, whatever concept of numbers or letters and names of colours that my kids learnt are all learned from thei daily interactions. I have never sat them down in a teaching and learning session, lepas tu tunjuk flash cards one after the other of "F for Frog" and "G for Gargamel."

Click for image source

Seriously, that's the first example I can think of when I think of words starting with G. Sadis. What kind of a mom am I?

Yes, please berate me all you want, because I didn't start teaching my kids the alphabets since they were 1 month old. Yes, I am a borderline negligent parent for not exposing my kids to all these early childhood education thingie-majiggie. Thing is, I believe kids should learn from playing. And even then, learning should not be the main outcome of their play sessions. Kalau belajar, it's great, kalau tak, then it's still great, cos they're just playing. 

So okay, enough with the ranting. Umar, pas ni kena belajar ABC, okay? Kenapa? Saja, sebab Mama nak dengar Umar nyanyi... ;)

--

Okay, that's it for now. Maybe I'll go through with all of them, maybe I'll follow through only one of them, maybe I won't go out and do ANY of them. But one thing's for sure, I will TRY.

Wish me luck, and please doa for me as well.

Internet Explorer FTW!

Tahu tak sekarang ni aku berblog menggunakan Internet Explorer? Sadis tak? I'm so two-thousand-eight, you're so two-thousand-late...

Don't be hatin Internet Explorer, y'all. Walaupun, truth be told, aku tak suka guna IE. Guna pun sebab terpaksa. Mengapa terpaksa?

Well, the place where I work uses Gmail accounts as our work email account, so FF aku dah guna untuk satu ID Google, iaitu, work ID.

I have also installed my much beloved Chrome in this PC as well, but that one is used for R&D purposes, whereby I am developing a work-related blog, so I have to use another work-related ID to sign in to Google on my Chrome browser.

So, that leaves me with IE to basically type the odd entry sekali-sekala bila ada waktu senggang time kerja atau bila nak stalk blog orang dan leave comments with this ID. Tapi kat rumah aku pakailah sama ada FF atau Chrome.

Sadis.

Dulu, guna FF boleh guna dua ID. I can log in to my work email account and also log in to iGoogle using my personal account, tapi recently, company tukar structure work Google account membuatkan ia kini jadi all-in-one. And horror of horrors, even Google+ pun boleh diintegrate sama.

LAGI SADIS.

Sunday Ritual (No More)

Source

Aku tak paham.. Tiap-tiap hujung minggu Mak aku mesti beli Berita Mingguan ngan Utusan Mingguan. Dah berapa minggu dah ni, cerita yang sama keluar, cerita cinta tiga segi Mamat Sepah-Fida-Adda. Minggu satu, keluar kenyataan si polan, gitu gini. Minggu depannya, kuar statement si hamba Allah tu pulak, counter yang si polan cakap. Minggu ni keluar statement si polan counter si hamba Allah. My question is, perlu ke?

Okay, so you all can say, if you're this angry about it, why read it at all? Actually aku pun tak pasti kenapa aku baca. Actually bukan baca sangatlah, more like skim the headlines, tapi aku sentap, sebab weekend paper reading ni jadi ritual hidup aku sejak aku kecil lagi. I read page after page, almost each and every word (sometimes ads are even included, I was that sangap), sebab when it comes to newspapers, aku ngan mak aku serupa, kalau dah lambat (around noonish), baik tak payah baca dah paper tu. Hari biasa of course dulu-dulu aku sekolah and nowadays, kerja, celah mana aku nak baca paper pagi-pagi. So weekend je la yang dapat jadi spot aku teruskan ritual aku...

You see where I'm going with this?

Ni belum masuk cerita wedding sponsor tu lagi. Come on lah, perlu ke cover macam tu sekali? I can feel my brain cells dying just by looking at their pictures, belum lagi aku baca cerita-ceriti yang disempilkan.

Okay, dah, dah, tak payah lah baca... Masalahnya, tak baca pun aku still nampak, and remember the ritual I so cherish my whole life? That ritual is now has to be replaced with another one, I guess... Takkan aku nak keep on doing something yang membunuh brain cells aku?

Can anybody suggest an equally fulfilling and mentally-challenging Sunday ritual?

Quick to Judge

Okay, I admit, if I'm gonna start talking about being quick to judge, about being judgmental, I should at least confess that I am also guilty of the same sin, so there. Here is something that I want to remind myself, as much as I'd like to remind others.

When we see an issue involving two different people, specifically conflicts between the said two, we almost always take sides, as if we know the whole story. "Memang dasar jantan, tak sedar diri, dah popular sikit, lupa kat orang yang sama-sama dengan dia dari bawah." or "Saya sebenarnya tak nak cakap, tapi tak pe lah, cakap jugak, sebab saya tak nak hipokrit (hak ptuih, pesanan penaja <- ha, tengok, tengok, judgmental tak aku?). Padan mukalah kat minah tu, sapa suruh jaja cerita kat semua orang. Skang dah putus, kan malu."

Okay, okay, let's not be coy, you know who I'm talking about. But that's not the point. They're not the point.

The point is people, we should let judging be God's work, and God's alone. I know it's hard, it's like we're hard-wired to judge others or something, but in the spirit of Ramadhan, at the very least, let's try, okay?

And if I'm not convincing enough, let's hear it from this guy.



Try, okay? TRY.

extra prescription. why yes, I was talking about the infamous skinny-fingers and common-nickname-for-a-malay-kid-who-looks-chinese.

Ignoramus

An ignoramus is an ignorant person. If there's more than one, it probably should be ignorami. But since I am typing this on a notepad, offline and don't have a spellchecker, Imma let it be the singular form.

Ya see, I am supposed to participate in a focus group discussion. I've been to a few of these and here I am again because 1) I actually believe 'they' really2 consider what the participants say; 2) I am an attention-whore who loves the undivided attention of the discussion moderator; and 3) Once you go to a few of these babies, you'll get hooked somehow and you JUST have to go again and again.

Okay, I lied, the 'token' is RM150. And I get to escape the kids for a few hours (pinch of salt, people, pinch of salt).

Okay, so what's so ignorant about that? Well, for one thing, despite passing by the building for a gajillion time, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to get from my office. I literally broke out in a cold sweat, printing oodles of Google map for direction to the damned place. Yes, I don't have a GPS, because I like to rough it up (yeah right).

Another instance of my ignorance is, despite depleting 1/725th of the tropical rainforest in the form of my printed Google map, I still missed the turn that I was supposed to take, the one I have taken a thousand times before, the turn that takes me straight to Mak Ngah's place. If I were made fun of this fact in the future, I shall blame a big-ass bus that seemed stationery right in front of the UN Building, that made me missed the friggin turn (actually, the bus is trying to make the turn I was supposed to make but the road was so congested, making the bus non-moving for a bit).

So I had to make a U-turn, big deal. A huge-ass U-turn, but at least by then I knew for sure which turn I was supposed to go into.

Anyways, long story short, I made it to the focus group discussion venue in one piece. Upon entering the international ad agency that organized the whole she-bang, I was told dinner is served and was taken to the agency's pantry where three lovely ladies (first impression) were sitting. There were O'Brien's Sandwiches which I never had and wasn't all that impressed with anyways; and some coffee or tea.

Okay, so the three lovely ladies, they were birds of a feather (fill in the blanks yourself). I don't mind this, I could easily be in the same situation if it was reversed (as in, me in the a group of three lovely lady birds of the same feather... umm, yeah... and there's another lady bird who's not of the same feather -- what is it with this post and all the sayings!). But thing is, if it was reversed, AT LEAST, the one left out can understand the conversation...

Thing is, the three ladies were speaking in their mother tongue. Me, most of the time, I speak in OUR mother tongue, the MALAYSIAN mother tongue. Bahasa Melayu or the Malay language (and yes, I write in English, this blog is, after all, a release). The three ladies, were carrying on and on and on in their mother tongue. There were only four of us there. I was like *crickets*. What the hell am I supposed to do here? What am I supposed to say?

On and on and on they conversed, with the minimal English words peppered here and there (I think I caught 'epidural' at one point, so maybe they were talking about childbirth), so naturally, seeing that the focus group discussion was for mothers, I can totally relate, if I knew the language, that is. So I sat there, kinda dumbly, not knowing what to do...

You see, an ignoramus is someone who is perhaps oblivious to the bloody obvious.

These three ladies? You be the judge.

extra prescription. the whole focus group discussion merits another entry on itself, by virtue of being one of the most ridiculous one I've been to... btw, I have quite a high tolerance of ridiculous, so that's saying a lot...

The Promise

I made a promise with myself. When I started this blog.

I made myself promise, that if I find this blog to be too much work, I'd just stop it.

This is supposed to be some sort of sanctuary for me. A literary catharsis of sort.

I write daily for my work. I do freelance writing as well. And if I must write for my release, then it shouldn't be forced, now should it?

I miss writing here. I miss reorganizing my memories of my two kids, the shenanigans they're up to now and then.

Maybe I shouldn't be too averse to work then?

Hate Me Today, Love Me Tomorrow

I have a love-hate relationship with my job. No, actually, I love my job. The pay, not so much, but the job is just the right amount of challenge and chill time for me. The upper-echelons here however, is a different story altogether.

I also happen to like working for my direct boss. Crazy at times, undecipherable mostly, but I like working with him. Most importantly, I like to work for him. However, again, the upper-echelons here is a different story altogether.

Ours is not the most traditional set-up for institutions in our field. Even my particular unit was one of kind until not too long ago. The sub-unit I'm under is an even newer, hybrid creature. We're kinda winging it here, you know? We have no idea if what we're doing is right, so yeah, who's to say what we're doing is wrong, kan?

Anyways, in my previous employment, it took me less than a year to get to this point. This point up to here *forefinger levels horizontally a pinch under the hair/tudungline*. And I started writing fiction. Then it was about some off-tangent storyline derived from Bleach, my favourite manganime of all time (I hate Ichigo, but I love Byakuya and whatshisface the funky redhaired dude).

So guess what I'm doing now? 10 points for guessing "writing fiction with Ryan Reynolds as your source of inspiration"!

I am pathetic. Get me out of here. Pwease?

Desensitization

Source

I am a Facebook addict. Okay, there you go. I admitted it. Can we move on now?

Anyways, part of this particular addiction sees me looking at the random stuff my friends post. Today is like many other days, I clicked on a video a friend posted.

For the first time in my Facebooking years, I regretted that.

Usually, my friends posts funny stuff. Like, who else would post a random, Monty Python Spam skit other than my friend, right? Who else would post random Duran Duran song and tag me as well, right?

And then along comes this particular video that in all honesty, still bothers me until this moment (at about half an hour after watching it). I will not post the link of that video nor embed it in this post. Suffice to say, the video is about this little kid, who was basically being a jerk and bullying this other kid, who was older than him. Okay, little kid was a jerk, total jerk, even punching the other kid in the face and the older kid did not retaliate right until the little kid got right up to his nose. And then the big kid fought back. He slammed the little kid/bully to the ground.

I couldn't fight the *gasp* that came when I saw the victim flung the little kid (the bully) to the ground. The bully couldn't even walk straight after that. I am no medical expert, but can't shake the feeling that something broke due to the slam, maybe the kid's leg, a rib or something.

I am a parent. Of course I don't condone bullying. I don't want to talk about these two kids. They are kids. Most probably, with the right kind of help and guidance, they will be better adults.

What got to me, was how on the Youtube page for this particular video and even in the comments in my friend's wall post of this video, people were making light of that incident. Jokes like, "Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry" or "The little jerk deserved it" etc, were aplenty. It made me *gasped* once more.

Seriously, have we come to this? I don't care if the little twerp deserved it or not, I don't care if the big victim was provoked to the point of retaliation, it's a SICKENING video, pure and simple. It is not a showcase of a bully-victim's comeuppance, it is a filthy video of violence. It is a video of violence with kids in them, with kids being the perpetrator, with kids being the cameraperson, and most probably with kids uploading the video for adults consumption. Adults whose response include "hahaha true, year 10 should of gotten a parade or something". WTF people?

I truly don't know how this should be handled. Or rather, I know how this should be handled but I doubt that's going to work. This video should not be uploaded at all. It should not have been viewed by so many people for so long. It should not be responded with "man i could watch that little wigger get slammed on the ground a good infintie times" or even "It's a shame the little weed didn't land on his head and die."

It's a video of a young kid, who just didn't know any better, bullying a bigger kid, who has had enough and retaliated. In a normal, day to day circumstance, if any of us adult were confronted with this situation, we would react differently. We would probably be more rational. Why is it then, when we are alone, in front of our computer monitor and with our keyboard, we become desensitized human beings?

What Kind of a Mother are You???

No, this is not the quiz-type thing, at the end of which you'll receive a reinforcement saying that you are the bladibla kind of mother etc.

This is another one of my famous rantings (eh, famous ke?).

Okay, digress kejap. I know somebody suggested that I should not write based on emotions, but being a writer myself, I have found that emotions do help writing. Rage for instance, especially my brand of rage and anger, if stoked properly and let simmer for a while, can turn into a whole blog entry without my fingers ever leaving the keyboard.

Anyways, let's get back to that parenting stuff yar?

Okay, so I frequent this kinda, sorta cool online forum for parents. I am not gonna name names or put links or whatever. And at this kinda, sorta cool online forum for parents, there are a lot of young parents, sharing their stories, their tips etc with each other. Okay fine. Nothing impressive. Run of the mill kind of thing.

But what got to me the most was how absurd things can get there. One fella started a topic asking where he can get his pregnant wife an 'anti-radiation' maternity dress. At first I was like, got meh? And then I thought, his pregnant wife probably work as something that exposes her to all sorts of radiation. Then as I read on, I found out his wife works with the computer on all the time.

Oh. My. Gucci.

Perlu ke?

Okay, so nobody took the guy seriously. Most were replying with, might as well you take away the cellphones, TV. Some were pointing out, wifis are everywhere anyhow, and cell phone waves or what not. How to account for that radiation exposure?

Me, I was busy imagining myself clad in a haz-mat suit, sitting my pregnant butt in front of the computer typing away.

Houston, we've got a problem (Image Source)

Okay, different suit. But you got my point, right?

Then, upon exploration in another topic, a young stay-at-home-mom actually laments the fact that her father- and mother-in-law fed her baby durian. She says that the in-laws are not respecting her wishes by feeding her baby durian. Mind you, I don't think her baby is newborn, as in, any younger than 2 months old or anything like that. And yet, that's her grief with her father and mother in law. Feeding her baby boy durian.

BAAAAAAADDD Durian. (Source)

What the fark lah wei? Seriously? Cannot eat durian? What in the world lah wei? I can understand if it was junk food, Twisties ke or maybe even chocolate, but durian? Babies cannot eat durian? Mind you, I seriously doubt the father- and mother-in-law of this particular young mom fed the baby the WHOLE God-damned fruit, the most maybe seulas. Itu pun mau kecoh ka?

Seriously. Welcome to 21st century parenting. Where moms are expected to wear biohazard suits and babies cannot eat durians. Nice place eh? Where do I check out?

In a Relationship #001

I have a difficult relationship with my God. Of course He was NEVER difficult with me, I was the one who was unfaithful, is unfaithful, most of the time. I'd like to think that I have never strayed away from my beliefs in Him, but I think that's out of my hands. All I can do about that is to just pray and pray and pray and in my deepest of prayers and mournings of past sins, of the times I forget Him, He forgives me. He never forsake me.

I am not a deeply religious person. Not pious. Not even remotely. I am just a person going on with her life, who at some point, realize that I need more than love and support and guidance. I need the spiritual push, the kind that uplifts you in the darkest of sorrows. The kind that lights the light at the end of the tunnel.

Please, don't think of me as waxing lyrical over this. I am not trying to be philosophical or retrospective or analytical over this. I am just trying to say that, after all this time, after the feeling of invincibility, I need to fall back on him. And guess what? He always has my back. Always.

Please Allah, give me the strength and wisdom to accept what You have given me, good and bad.

Painful

Sometimes, you just met somebody and you thought, "Hey, this person is cool. We clicked. We would be totally awesome friends."

And you think, being awesome friends with each other constitutes doing absolutely all the random, funny things that got you attracted to that new awesome friend in the first place. Because you think that you are also awesome that way.

Turns out you're not.

Talk about awkward.

Talk about painful to watch.

Image Source

extra prescription. Don't mind the nonsensicaliciousness (it's not a word, I know, but then again, neither is refudiate, and look where that word got her) of this post, I was just venting off some steam. And no, the entry is not about me, it's about something in the vicinity.

extra prescription, if you take this you'll be on an overdose. little Miss is going for her orientation tomorrow. Already I have request from as far London for pictorial evidence. The Hubs is lucky if I don't break down and cry in front of all the teachers and the parents. And the kids. Haih.

Got Mirror?

We went to IKEA for dinner today. The hubs had a new office party he wanted to go to. Mak tagged along 'cos she haven't been to IKEA for quite a bit. I was working, so the whole tour bus came and picked me up from work and off we went to IKEA.

Once there, the hubs went for the party. Me, the kids and Mak went jalan2 inside through the showroom, daydreaming how that sofa would look in our hall, how that kitchen cabinet could fit in the house, you know, the usual IKEA activities.

After a bit of sightseeing and window-shopping, the hubs called and said he wanted to take the kids with him to the party. The kids changed hands. Mak and I made our way to the cafetaria for dinner. Bought some baked chicken leg or something. The mash that came with that dish WAS TO DIE FOR!! I can eat bucketloads of the mash, it was so yummeh!

So anyways, that's not the point of this entry (what's the point of anything anyways?). The point of this entry is that, while eating, there were two guys sitting next to us. Suddenly came this couple, the girl came straight to the next table and was like hugging and kissing one of the guys sitting there. Maybe they were long lost friends. Not far behind was the boyfriend. Here he is.

'Sup foo
(Image Source)

Okay, I can probably put up with the outfit, baggy this and that. I don't really mind that. And at least the boi ain't got no grillz or blings, so I'mma give him props for that, y'all. But by God, if you gonna be dressed like a douche, please don't wear punch-inducing cap as well. Say hello to his cap.

Please. Punch. Me.
(Image Source)

FYI, the word 'lansi' on the cap roughly means show-off in some Chinese dialect. It's basically a household term, even for some of the non-Chinese people in Malaysia. "Wah-lao, you buy new car, Ferrari summore, you lansi meh!"

Okay, fine, I am for freedom of self-expression and all that. This person can, for all I care, announce that he is a douche for all to see. He can wear what he wants to wear, whenever he wants to wear. But really nigga, if you look like this...

'Sup foo.

(Image Source)

Haih.

The Little Miss Grows Up #001

Family time looms ahead. It's the school holidays finally for the little Miss, who 'graduated' from her kindy last Saturday. She was kinda bewildered. When I asked her if there's anyone else she wants to take photos with, she just shook her head no, saying let's just eat and take photos later at school. I told her she won't be going to the kindy anymore next year, she looks at me wide-eyed, asked in a semi-horrified voice,"But why?" Like maybe, she did something wrong. Like maybe, she was EXPELLED. From her kindy. ZOMG!

I explained to her, you're going to big girl's school next year. The school we bought the uniforms for. The school we bought you the flowery school bag for (Oy vey, that shopping adventure, I tell you! Nightmare!). This seems to settle her down -- Okay, so we're still going to school, just a different school, right? Ohkay...

Then I explained again, Teacher Janice won't be there anymore. Alisha won't be there, Arfah won't be there, Danish won't be there, Farid Aiman won't be there. All your friends won't be there (please don't imagine the Grinch while reading that, I was not trying to scare the little Miss, I was trying to explain the situation to her). She just looked at me quizzically and nodded.

I looked at the hubs and he was busy eating.

*sobs*

Little Miss is growing up.

Little Hero #001

Teman ni cengei sebenornye. Betul, teman idok la nipu deme. Cengei bebenor. Grumpy tu memang lah sejak azali. Cemeng pada waktu-waktu tertentu, tapi most of the time, memang teman cengei. Contohnya, kalo anak teman teghoyak, jarang le teman nak mujuk. Kalau mula dia teghoyak, ubatnye teman cakap, "Umar, shut your mouth!" atau "Umar, tutup mulut!" Diam lah kawan tu, kadang tu sambil terkebil-kebil nengok teman. Kadang tu sambil sambung teghoyak walaupun mulut terkatup.

Selalunya, treatment 'tutup mulut' tu, teman gunapakai kalau anak teman tu nakei. Banyak bebenor akeinye. Manjat-memanjat usoh ceghite ler. Ngemas rumah memang hobi deme. Mekap teman dipakei. Ubat gigi spare habis dicalitnye kat dinding. Ape ke idok logik teman jadi tarzan?

Tapi ituler, dah nama pun emak. Nak tak nak, ada ler sikit, saki-baki, sisa-sisa sifat2 keibuan tu. Kalo budak nakei tu teghoyak sebab terjerombab ke, distarlight dek kakak dia ke, kena marah bapak dia ke, idok ler teman jadi nasi tambah nye. Teman pujuk ler. Sape tak sayang anak wei...

Ini ler dia, hero teman, Umar Z.

ps. : Entry ini sempena demam Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah. Lagipun memang ayah teman oghang Paghit, yop!

Mission Kinda Possible : Find a School Bag

Little Miss will be schooling next year. Big girl school. Primary school. Being the oldest, she's the guinea pig she wished she never was (at least I think that's what she thinks).

We kinda had a plan on how many uniforms to get for her (2 baju kurungs, 2 pinafores, 3 blouses). But of course, being youngest in my family, older sibs and mak told me to get only the barest essenstials possible. Little Miss will grow up quickly, they say. She won't fit in the small bajus anymore in a very short period of time. For me, little Miss is little. She can still fit into tees meant for 3 year old, bajus half her age. Of course, the length of the bajus are a different story altogether, but let's not get there. All I'm saying is that, she's small for her age, but she's tall.

So one fine day, the hubs had the day off. We decided we'll go shop for her school stuff that day. So off we went to this huge-ass shopping mall in the middle of the muddle that is KL.

So we got the bajus, I actually wanted to get cheaper ones, cos this is a kid we're talking about. Little Miss will probably outgrow them before we know it (okay, so I said something different in the earlier para, I am in denial, in case you haven't noticed. I want little Miss to stay a three year old forever, boleh?). But the hubs being the hubs wanted to get the top of the line ones. Lucky he didn't whisk us off to Proffessors. So we got something, I dunno, maybe second or third ranked brand for uniforms for little Miss. We got her two of each, two baju kurungs and two pinafores with blouses and two pairs of shoes.

Okay, where's the bloody checklict? Uniforms - checked. Shoes - checked. Socks - checked.

Further explorations resulted in chemise and some shorts. And oh yeah, some PE pants. Okay, checked, checked, checked.

The only thing left then was her school bag. Okay, so the general consensus from family members and friends, school bags are mostly useless. You might as well go and get the ones from Mydin cos if those bags become unwearable in like, 2 weeks of schooling, it's a cheapo bag that you can just throw away. If you get the ones with all the bells and whistles, or in the case of schoolbags of the 21st century, wheels and pull handles, it'll cost a bomb and it will most probably go useless within months of schooling.

I was already disheartened knowing this. I wanted to get her something cool for her schoolbag. I didn't want her first big girl school bag to be an outdated bag, the kind I had to use when I was a kid (usually mak would give me her UMNO meeting bags, I didn't mind actually, but others had way cooler bag, like Jem and Barbie. Didn't exactly feel left out, but it was kinda one of my childhood wish, so there). So the hubs and I spent a few shopping trips prior to this one trying to find an okay-ish compromise for the little Miss' first big girl school bag. We finally found one reasonably-priced and PINK backpack at Tearproof in Midvalley Megamall. Yippee-ky-yay-oh!

So that day, the day we took little Miss shopping for her school stuff, while looking for her uniforms, she saw a few school bags also on display in the area. She has got her sight set on one school bag. It's the over-priced wheeled contraption I swore I would never ever buy for my kids. It probably had Barbie or Powerpuff Girls or Strawberry Shortcake on it, which explained why little Miss was so enthralled by it. No way Jose, Missy, Mama ain't gettin' you that bag.

So we dragged her tiny behind to Tearproof thinking we can make her like the PINK Bodypac backpack. Haha, noob parents, THINK AGAIN SUCKAZ. The little Miss stood there shaking her head (eh, eh budak ni, menurun degil sapa ini?). Okay, so fine, we tried taking her to Tropicana Life (ZOMG, yes, she's going to Standard 1, pakai beg Tropicana Life? Sorry, for the life of me, I pun tak sure what possessed me to do that). Little Miss pointed to a bag. It was purple, okay, girl colour. But it had skulls on them. Not cutesy Avril Lavigne skulls, but the Pirates of Caribbean crossed swords as part of the design. By now, I realized little Miss was giving us a lesson in how stubborn she could be. By choosing stuff that she KNOWS mama and papa will not approve of, mama and papa will know THEY ARE WRONG. Wow, my six year old the manipulator. Today, I will conquer Standard One. Tomorrow, the world, bwahahahahaha!!!

But at that time, instead of reveling on how diabolical little Miss has become that day, I became angry. I told her, "Kakak, if you don't choose a bag now, you will have to bring your Smart Reader backpack yang dah koyak-koyak tu." She replied, without missing a beat, "OK." Goddammit, I am being outsmarted by a six year old! I marched her out of the store (Tropicana Life, remember?) and marah-marah the hubs (actually more like venting to him, "kakak ni ha tak nak pilih bag yang elok," bla bla bla). The hubs was like yea yea yea, malas nak layan. Haiz. What is wrong with this family???

Tired and angry and partially hungry, we decided to leave the bag-finding adventure for another day and made our way back to the carpark. On the way there, lo and behold, I saw this tacky , girly pink shop, Miss T or something. We went in, I am not sure what for, maybe I was just pushing my luck, to look for little Miss' bag. Near the back of the store there was this one white bag with flowers all over them. Maybe she really did like the bag or maybe she was tired of being bullied by mama (or is it the other way around?), little Miss said, "yes mama, I like the bag, please get me the bag." I looked at the hubs, but the bag is white, macam mana ni? Cepat lah kotor nanti... But then again, we discussed that the bag will get kotor any which way pun, unless we got her a black bag, which I doubt she will use and I will buy for her. So okay, we finally got her a bag, which cost us RM39.90, RM0.10 cheaper than the RM40 PINK Bodypac backpack we saw in Tearproof.

Lesson learned? Little Miss has a mind of her own.

John Lennon and I

I love the Beatles. Who doesn't? But that's besides the point. I love John. Had I been born 30 years earlier than my birthdate, I would happily stalk John and probably murder Yoko. Probably. Wishful thinking. On second thought, I like Paul better, on virtue of Hey Jude alone.

But to tell you the truth, I discovered Beatles later in my life. I did not grow up listening to their music, though their music did raise me up a little. I first discovered Beautiful Boy by John when I watched Mr Holland's Opus. I even know how to sing that song in sign language, cool eh? Watch the movie to find out what I mean. (Incidentally, Mr Holland's Opus also introduced me to George and Ira Gershwin)

Here's the clip. Part of the lyrics of Beautiful Boy by John Lennon is my mantra for life. Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.

Kesian Blog Engkau...

(Translation : Pity your blog...)

That's what one of my online friend says about this blog. Cos, #1, I kinda abandoned it for a while now -- a few weeks with no new posts?

And #2, compared to my older blogs, this one is a little bit on the not-so-popular side. Not trying to brag or anything (whattafark? You are bragging!!!) I am actually extremely well-versed in blogwhoring and selling my blog and using my online networks of friends to promote my blog.

Now, the question is, in relation to cause #2, why do I seemed to be refusing to promote my blog to my friends? Well, for one thing, I want to express myself. Truly express myself. Truly say what I feel. Of course, in my older blogs, I do this as well, but for the most part, I seemed to be reciprocating others. What I mean is that, instead of writing about what's going on my life, what's my view on things, I tend to echo others.

Case in point, I used to have this tag in my older blogs, "spin-off [blogger friend name]". What happens in the entries with those tags would be me responding towards another friends' entry, That's what I mean when I say I tend to echo others. I no longer want to do that.

Okay, so I shouldn't really be blaming others about this. I shouldn't be pointing fingers and say that it's their fault my blogs have all become somewhat like that. I should have stronger resolve myself. I should be my own person. But the thing is, I am. It's just that, most of the time, I have to be this polite freak who returns the favor. You come visit my blog, you comment, then you start an entry in your blog responding to my entry -- ay! The circle is mercilessly endless!

So that's what's with the brand new start.

Agaknyalah.

Konon.

*sigh*

Lost Causes?

Aku marah hari ni. Marah. Sedih. Dan mungkin sedikit disappointed. Tapi aku tak tahu kenapa aku marah, sedih dan disappointed. Mungkin......

Last weekend was quite an eventful one. Not life-changing eventful, but eventful nonetheless. There was a workshop at work that I attended on Saturday. And I went to the Save the Palestinians Campaign organized by COMPLETE on Sunday. I went there with both kids, the one who's 4, the other one who's 11 months old. Hubby didn't follow, he was home, nursing his back pain.

I took it upon myself to insist on going to the rally. I really wanted to go. I wanted to actually feel what it's like. But as I was there, I can't help but feel disappointed. I kept on asking myself, "what good will this be? what good will this bring?" This is not a criticism against the organiser. I applaud their good job. But rather, perhaps these moments of despair can be attributed to the fact that the more I am exposed towards the brutality, the more helpless I feel.

These moments of despair can perhaps also be attributed to the fact that there are still many that are saying, Palestinians are wrong. That the Palestinians are terrorists. That Islam promotes terrorisme. Ya Allah, are you trying to tell us something? However, I believe that it is the Palestinians' right to fight back. It is their land. Like the gist of Dr. Mahathir's speech last Sunday, as with any sort of oppression or colonialisation, you would see the oppressed and the colonialised fighting back, even if the oppression or colonialisation are for a "good cause" (a cause sorely lacking in Israel's attacks).

This alone should put me in gloom for days on end.

Then I witnessed the debacle at KT. What a show, BN, WHAT A BLARDY SHOW. Okay, so I am an UMNO supporter. But I am not a disillusioned one. I know there are many things seriously wrong within UMNO. I know people dislike UMNO. But I have faith. I have faith that these wrongs can be mended. They have to be corrected. And insyaAllah, I will help to mend the wrongs. That's why I support UMNO, because I have faith that UMNO is something worth fighting for. But to see this... And to see that people who are supposed to be intelligent keeping on making the same mistakes, over and over again. It breaks my heart. And from henceforth, my political standing is that I have faith in UMNO. I don't support UMNO, but I have faith in UMNO.

A fool and her lost causes?

Yes, and her bipolar is kicking in.

Dear Officemates,
please forgive my off-key Mika's Grace Kelly from now on.

Minimalisme

Sangat.

Kononlah.

Tapi seriously, I cannot stand things that don't serve a function. Contoh, kat rumah lah, rumah aku included, mesti ada vases after vases after vases of bunga. Apekah? Mak aku cakap, saja hiasan. Cantik. Dan every weekend, lazimnya koleksi bunga mak aku akan bertambah. Kenapa? Sebab Mak aku mesti ada jemputan kawin, dan more often than not, Mak aku akan dapat bunga telur or bunga pahar.

Aku dah cuba mintak Mak aku tengok Inside a Hoarder's Home on Oprah Winfrey (mind you, Mak aku tak lah sechronic that particular lady, at least Mak aku seorang yang kemas semua benda, and the kind of person where everything has a place), tapi masa tengok cerita tu, Mak was more excited about the house makeover. "Cantiknya!!!" or "Would you look at that!!!" I dunno if she was doing it on purpose, or memang dia sangat-sangat excited about the beautiful makeover.

And actually, to be honest, I also have my clutter. I have tonnes of "recycle paper", papers which are printed on one side, jadi konon-konon, I want to use the other side lah, for writing and conteng and stuff. Tapi haram, jarang guna pun. And the pile just keep growing. Adeh. I want to throw them away, but then, part of me is scared of Al Gore. After all, I don't want to be An Inconveniet Truth.

So, memandangkan physically, as in my office space, my homefront, I cannot do much of de-cluttering, so I made my blog as free of clutter as possible. Hence the minimalist banner. Hence the white background. Hence the very limited use of colour. Ahaha. Konon lah.

Separation Anxiety

It's my oldest first day at kindy. I enrolled her at Smart Reader Kids in Setapak. It costs a BOMB (seriously, somewhere in the region of almost RM2k! Mak oi! Aku study kat UiTM dulu tak semahal tu, ok?) , but then again, I shouldn't be berkira when it comes to her education, right? Oy, tell that to my dwindling bank account.

The kindy itself is nice lah. It's on the upper floor of a shophouse. When I was in school, (NOTE : When I say school, I almost always mean my uni days, should in the future I say school and mean school, I'll leave a note clarifying that, ohkay?) I had this lecturer who taught us writing for the mass media (or something). And one of her assignment was to come up with an advertisement for a kindergarten. So when we presented our work, she made a remark. Something like, "Sometimes I'm worried of all these kindies, with the playground on the outside... Kalau I orang kaya and ada orang nak kidnap anak I, macam mana?" Those days, I couldn't care less lah, cos the world revolves around me, me and me. Tapi as I grow older and have kids, yeah, even the unthinkable and the unimaginable pun become scarier and scarier. Illogical as it sounds, yes, having kids playing in the playground, even if it is within the school compound, is actually quite scary. Actually, I want to relate to a family tragedy, tapi tak mo lah, let's focus this entry on my daughter's first kindy experience.

Actually, it's more like an experience for me, more than it was for her. I mean, of course lah, not to steal her thunder or anything, it is her first day at school. But she was cool, calm and collected je masa kat kindy tu. Ahahahaha. Tak berperasaan, like the mother. AHAHAHAHAHA!!! In her class alone, ada about 3 or 4 kids yang menangis-nangis, air hidung meleleh-leleh keluar -- separation anxiety. Not only that, in the class above her (as in, the 6 year old classes, meaning budak-budak yang dah masuk kindy since last year) pun ada menangis-nangis. "Nak Ayah!" or "Nak Mummy!" or "Mana MAMA!!!". Oy. I pity the teacher. I have very limited patience, what more dengan anak orang lain, so I salute the teachers.

I was actually quite apprehensive masa tinggalkan my daughter tadi. In fact, I had to stop myself a few times from calling her teacher, to ask how she's doing. Ntah apa-apa. Padahal my girl rileks je masuk kelas and was busy colouring her owl picture. BTW, my girl coloured her owl picture (the handout from a teacher) with her pencil. STORY! I gave her my old Elle pencil case, and she played with that pencil case for ages now. She keeps all her assorted crayons and colour pencils in that old pencil case. Then for today, I gave her new 2 writing pencils and a Pooh eraser, new stuff, especially for school. I put her new stationery in the Elle pencil case, along with her other stationery lah and plunked it in her Mashimaro bag. Unsurprisingly, my borderline OCD 5-year-old, only uses her new pencil to colour the handout. Why? Because the other colour pencils and crayons are for play, these are the ones Mama said to use for school. *sigh*.

You think giving birth is hard? Try leaving your kid at her kindy for the first time. *sobs* My baby's all grown up.