Simple Things

I have a simple new year's resolution. In time for the Hijri new year and the coming 2011. Next year, I will work harder to be nice. Yes, nice.

Okay, so I am grumpy by nature. I look aloof and unapproachable at best. I am a loner most of the time. I have a few friends that will probably remain my friends for years to come, and that's it. I don't like making new friends. Or maybe I lack the social skills to make new friends and I'm just in denial about it, I don't know.

Speaking of friends, there's always a good chance that the friends I made today, will not be my friends tomorrow. Or, they may be my friends only on Facebook. Do you have that illness? Having tonnes of people you added on Facebook, people you kinda sorta know, but they were only your friends ages ago?

You see, friendship takes a lot of work. You have to keep up, keep in touch with your friends. Me? You're lucky if you get a happy birthday wish on your birthday from yours truly. It's not that I don't care per se, it's the fact that, I always feel that if I start caring for one friend, if I start wishing one friend, then I'd have to wish EVERY-frickin-ONE on their birthdays. And there are people I don't care enough out there who have this delusion that I am their friend. See? Friendship takes up a lot of work. And seeing that I am nasty, grumpy and downright rude, why should I bother, right?

So you see, of all people, I need to be nice. That's why my new year's resolution is to be nice. Please bite off my ass if I'm not nice to you. Thank you.

Today is Gonna Be the Day...

Okay, okay, no more excuses. This is the day, week, part of the month where I start to do things. No more saying, "Shite, I need more time," or "Fuck it, I'll do this tomorrow," or "Dammit, somebody else can do this!"

Shut your pie hole, Hun. You better get crackalackin.

Brace yourself for a super-busy week.

The Trying Tiring Weekend

It's another 3-day weekend here in Malaysia again. But far from having a restful, fruitful weekend, I think I am more tired, exhausted and burnt out. And this coming from someone who had a 4-day weekend. *sigh*. You know the saying, the person who needs vacation the most is the person who just got home from one? I can totally relate.

Stop envying my vacation. I did not go anywhere. I was home. Friday - took care of the kids, 'cos my mother (who usually takes care of them went to Singapore to see some relatives). Saturday + Sunday - usual weekend off. Monday - public holiday, Prophet Muhammad PBUH's birthday.

I am trying very hard to not be angry. To not be negative. To remind myself, there is always, ALWAYS, a hikmah behind everything. But I can't help for being a human. I am royally pissed. I planned to do my assignments this weekend. I planned to catch up on my reading for my Masters. I planned a lot of fucking things that didn't get done because SOMEBODY thinks her plan is bigger than others.

Fuck you. I am angry. Let me be angry and if I were to burn in hell for being this angry (and tired and hungry and sleepy) then so fucking be it.

Again, I Contradict Myself

Okay, so I'm not the most strong-willed person. I get weak in the knees at the mere sight of chocolate. I feel this unnaturally strong magnetic pull towards Starbucks for a Caramel Macchiato (mind you, I've managed to resist that urge so far, okay? No Starbucks for about 2 months now [boo-hoo, big deal], but before that I went without Starbucks for a few years, until I worked at a new place where the office was right in front of a Starbucks outlet, DAMMIT!!!).

I boycott most fast food outlet. Okay, so Malaysians are the ones supplying the chicken etc to these outlets, and mostly Malay Malaysians are working behind the counter, but really, the suppliers, Muslims ke? I don't think so. Yes, very racist of me, I know. Very un-Malaysian. But I have to be cruel to make that kind decision. The kind decision that will, insyaAllah make a difference for my brothers and sisters in Palestine. And as for the minimum-wage workforce within McDonalds or KFC, come on lah, itu kerjaya ke? Seriously, you consider that your career? Do you need us, the majority of the Malaysian population, to keep you afloat? Bro, kalau lu bleh carik keje kat McDonald, wa sure lu bleh gak carik keje kat tempat lain. Mydin ke, Kamdar ke.

But it comes to entertainment, gawd-damn, I'm damned. Of course, even the so-called Zion Protocol enlists the use of entertainment as a mean to control the world. True enough, the entertainment being served right into our homes day in and day out, are mostly from them. Unsurprisingly, some of the major players in Hollywood are voicing their support for this perverted cause. Major players which include Keanu Reeves, one of the fler in my list of 5. *sigh*

Dammit! Now I have to bump him off!!!

Been Busy #001

I'm now in the midst of doing my Masters. I am still a bit unsure about it all, and I question my decision on a daily basis, but I dunno. Maybe because it's free??? (Yes, I am currently being sponsored by my employer). Or maybe it's because it's not something I am totally, 100% in to?

You see, I'm very sure I'd do my Masters. Preferrably doing something along the lines of communication -- the very school I graduated from in UiTM. I love the media world, mass communication, even with all its sham and drudgery. I do, I really do, no matter how I bitch about how the broadcasting world is full of fakes who puts sooooo much blardy emphasis on beauty (but not so much on brains!). Although about 95% of the newsreader, newscaster, broadcast journalist in Malaysia can barely speak in English. Although those who can are mostly being sidelined. Although... Well, you get my drift. Despite all these shortcomings and flaws, I love the world of mass communication still.

But now, I'm offered to do my Masters in Instructional Design and Technology -- what the heck??? Well, google the term and read up, that's what I had to do anyways. I actually love the subject, but as always, I'm the kind of person who loves the smooth, shiny, sometimes embossed cover of a book, not so much the content. That's why my books sometimes sit some place unread for years on end. Yes, most of the time, when it comes to books, I am the world's most impulsive shopper. I buy on a whim. And then I don't bother to read. Cos the cover has done it for me.

Now here I am, a few weeks into the programme and seriously doubting my starting in the first place. God, what have I gotten myself into? Can I really cope with all this? Can I really do this? These people -- my coursemates -- have YEARS, AGES of experience in teaching and learning, in instructional design, in education, in training. Me? I have my degree and diploma in mass blardy communication! Do I really belong here? What the hell am I doing here???

I do understand, for the most part, the discussion that's going on, but somehow, I just refuse to speak and sound foolish, I'd much prefer sitting aside silently and appear foolish. I just keep on reading these discussion and going, "what the hell? does it really matter if it's theory or concept or principles being used? why are we arguing about semantics???" whatttttttttt have I gotten myself into???

I have now officially worked myself into a headache. God, please help me.

Please.

Lost Causes?

Aku marah hari ni. Marah. Sedih. Dan mungkin sedikit disappointed. Tapi aku tak tahu kenapa aku marah, sedih dan disappointed. Mungkin......

Last weekend was quite an eventful one. Not life-changing eventful, but eventful nonetheless. There was a workshop at work that I attended on Saturday. And I went to the Save the Palestinians Campaign organized by COMPLETE on Sunday. I went there with both kids, the one who's 4, the other one who's 11 months old. Hubby didn't follow, he was home, nursing his back pain.

I took it upon myself to insist on going to the rally. I really wanted to go. I wanted to actually feel what it's like. But as I was there, I can't help but feel disappointed. I kept on asking myself, "what good will this be? what good will this bring?" This is not a criticism against the organiser. I applaud their good job. But rather, perhaps these moments of despair can be attributed to the fact that the more I am exposed towards the brutality, the more helpless I feel.

These moments of despair can perhaps also be attributed to the fact that there are still many that are saying, Palestinians are wrong. That the Palestinians are terrorists. That Islam promotes terrorisme. Ya Allah, are you trying to tell us something? However, I believe that it is the Palestinians' right to fight back. It is their land. Like the gist of Dr. Mahathir's speech last Sunday, as with any sort of oppression or colonialisation, you would see the oppressed and the colonialised fighting back, even if the oppression or colonialisation are for a "good cause" (a cause sorely lacking in Israel's attacks).

This alone should put me in gloom for days on end.

Then I witnessed the debacle at KT. What a show, BN, WHAT A BLARDY SHOW. Okay, so I am an UMNO supporter. But I am not a disillusioned one. I know there are many things seriously wrong within UMNO. I know people dislike UMNO. But I have faith. I have faith that these wrongs can be mended. They have to be corrected. And insyaAllah, I will help to mend the wrongs. That's why I support UMNO, because I have faith that UMNO is something worth fighting for. But to see this... And to see that people who are supposed to be intelligent keeping on making the same mistakes, over and over again. It breaks my heart. And from henceforth, my political standing is that I have faith in UMNO. I don't support UMNO, but I have faith in UMNO.

A fool and her lost causes?

Yes, and her bipolar is kicking in.

Dear Officemates,
please forgive my off-key Mika's Grace Kelly from now on.

Kedekut Ilmu

Agak off-putting bilamana entry sebelum ni bercerita tentang patah hati dan kekejaman manusia, lepas tu tiba-tiba, entry seterusnya bercerita tentang amarah. Oh well, this is the point of this blog anyways, ini blog marah aku. Sebab tu aku nak anonymous (konon?).

Last week, okay, I admit it was late in the week, I arranged for a so-called expert to come in as a guest for something. He said he'll come. Okay, sweet. I worked out the question, the scheduling etc. All seemed fine. The session was scheduled to be on today, at 3.30 - 4.30 pm.

Then at 2.00 pm, I receive a phone call saying the expert is not well, is on MC.

Okay, so, falling sick is not exactly his fault, but WTF? It seems like susah betul aku nak mintak these so-called-experts ni to share their expertise. Kedekut ilmu? I read a blog entry (sorry lost the link) where the blog owner was going on and on and on about how he had to do ALL THESE HARD WORK to accommodate one handicapped student. And about how ALL THOSE HARD WORK is not billable, is not something that is acknowledged in his salary.

Tapi aku tak terasa sangat pasal blog entry lecturer tu. Dia kuffar. Dia tak faham sebetul-betulnya konsep rezeki. Pada dia, rezeki atau balasan cuma dalam bentuk kewangan. Tapi these experts, bukankah sepatutnya faham konsep rezeki? Betapa kalau berkongsi ilmu itu, makin murah rezeki? Rezeki datang mungkin dalam bentuk lain. Kalau nak diikutkan, macam-macam kita boleh tengok sebagai rezeki. Hidup sehari lagi untuk beramal - rezeki. Tengok berita pasal kemalangan, instead of terlibat in one - rezeki. Anak pun orang kata rezeki.

Jadi, marilah join aku dalam kempen menghargai rezeki anda, walau dalam apa bentuk sekalipun rezeki itu datang.

Alhamdulillah Tuhan, aku berhadapan dengan orang yang macam ni. InsyaAllah aku akan menghargai orang yang easy to deal with. InsyaAllah lepas ni aku akan sentiasa ingat untuk tidak jadi seperti experts ni, dan jadi seorang yang lebih generous dengan ilmu.

Amin.

Jason Mraz Coming to Malaysia March 4th, 2009

I have a problem. I have a problem with people who think that pre-I'm Yours and Lucky, Jason Mraz was a nobody. They think those two were his first foray into the music business. Harlo people, use Uncle Google ya. Jason Mraz has been around for ages!

Not Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra ages lah, of course, but he's been cranking hits since forever. There's the adorable Geek in the Pink! There's the infectious You and I Both. Singalongable The Remedy. And, and, and, and my favouritest tune from Jason Mraz, Wordplay. Excellent stuff, I tell you, and those are just his well-known stuff, okay.

So, yes, I've been a fan for quite a while. Unsurprisingly, imagine my surprise when I saw this event somewhere in my Facebook land. ZOMG!!! *hyperventilates*. AND, more importantly, his concert is set on a very special date for yours truly.

But I have to say lah, agak mengannoyingkanlah for me, cos I have to watch him with a buncha kids yang bercakap (atau menaip) secara, "sure besh giler maen live..super kewl!!" Sure haku tensen gila dok sebelah kau, budak (kalau aku dok sebelah dia lah -- you never know, Murphy's Law and all).

GAWD, suddenly I feel so blardy old.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T, Find Out What It Means to Me

This is where being an anonymous blogger helps me. I want to vent. Pardon the vulgarities and profanities (if any) that ensue.

I am supposed to conduct an interview with this huge tokoh. It'll just be a recorded interview, simple questions, with talking points, which I've prepared. Mind you, the questions and talking points went through 3 levels of editors, okay? And the amendments were very little (I am, for once, not being a snob, but really, where can one go wrong with a New Year message?)

Okay, fine. That horror is over.

Then somehow, the biggest boss here got wind of the interview. He's a nice guy, I like him actually, but I can't for the life of me, think of a reason why, he would not let a lowly exec (me) interview the huge tokoh. WTF? For him, as if, tak menghormati the huge tokoh. (BTW, the huge tokoh bukannya well educated pun, just so happen to be married to a very influential person). WTF?

So, the biggest boss had asked another boss to interview the huge tokoh. Now, this boss, I've emailed the boss the Q&A since MONDAY, BLARDY, MANIC MONDAY, okay? Then the not-so-big-boss replied, "Okay, I'll take a look at it this afternoon and let you know of any amendments." Fuh, lega. (This all happened on Monday, coincidentally, I had a 39 Degrees fever then, but you don't hear me complaining, right?)

Do you know when she replied? Friday. The not-so-big-boss replied on Friday and the interview is supposed to take place the next Monday. The not-so-big-boss replied with amendments and the amendments needs to be edited and looked at by a host of other people, and it's a long weekend with cuti Awal Muharram on Monday (yes, it is not enough that they have to torture me into joining the interview on Monday as nothing more than a glorified tukang bawak barang).

And to top it all, I received an SMS on Sunday morning saying the interview is OFF!!!

BLOODY HELL!!!

Have you no respect of my time and effort?

No, of course not, I am but a lowly personnel who just don't get it, right? Whatever.

Be Ye Not So Stupid

Although my archive might mislead you, I am not new to blogging. I am seasoned enough to know that if I want to start a "hate" blog, I should stay anonymous. No easy feat, I tell ya. It's hard for me not to divulge information that is relevant to my stories cos they may reveal who I am. It is also hard for me not to link my stuff to, oh, I dunno, every other virtual playground I hang around in.

My "hate" blog may contain rants and raves about work, and I can get into deep shite if I am to reveal myself. Can you imagine, on my bad days, calling my boss dickhead and then getting fired for it? Hey, look, I love her*, and she may be my idol when it comes to blogging, but I refuse to be dooced. Hell noooo. I love my job too much, and I refuse to be punished just because I get irritable and annoyed and sensitive once in a while.

My hate blog may also contain information about family member(s) who just can't help but to piss me off from time to time. I love them (with the exception of one), but I just want to strangle them from time to time, ya know? I ain't no saint. So, unsurprisingly, I wholly agree when Susan Shapiro, a Manhattan journalism professor who wrote for New York Times, Washington Post etc, said “Some names and identifying characteristics of people portrayed in this book have been obscured so they won’t divorce, disown, hate, kill or sue me.” (I found that quote here).

So, to those of you who have to know who I really am, I'm sorry, this blog is not for you. At least for the time being. Happy reading anyways!

*No, she is not my boss.

Sungguh Marah #001

Saya sungguh marah. SUNGGUH. DAMN RIGHT, saya marah. Kenapa saya marah? Sebab saya dah penat-penat buat kerja, dok kejar sana-sini nak dapatkan guest besar tu, tetiba, bila dah dapat guest besar tu, macam sial, kena pegi tempat lain dan tak boleh join nak interview orang besar tu. DAMN RIGHT I AM PISSED OFF.

I am pissed off at my boss, for not sticking up for me. Fight for my right to be there lah! Why should someone else do what I started? Okay, fine, so maybe part of me is angry because this is something out of the ordinary. Something yang glamor lah kot? Something yang tak semua orang dapat buat. Damn right I'm pissed not able to be a part of that. Tapi what pisses me off more, is that I took the initiative to make the first move! Orang lain tak bergerak lansung pun. Tiba-tiba, orang lain yang dapat pergi?

I am also pissed off with the HR. Look, for me, it's crystal clear that this is extra-curricular activity. It is not something within my immediate job scope. It is just an initiation rite that you have a few times a year. So I missed the first one, my son was hospitalized. Now, if I miss the second one, I'll be blacklisted for not being cooperative? Fuck you, forgive me for doing my work! Why did you schedule the event during the busiest time of the year? Pernah consult our bosses ke pasal the suitability of the time? Tak pernah kan? Then how? You arrange during busy times, then of course lah orang busy and unavailable. Bencilah macam ni.

It's shite like this that makes me so sick of work!

The Idiot #001 Part 1

Note from the Scribe
I foresee this as an on-going blog entry. This is probably the first entry I am dedicating to this person -- no, no, he is not that special, he is just that blardy annoying and I hate him enough to bash him again, and again, even if it's through an anonymous cyber landscape.
--

Hubby has a brother. He was married, now divorced, has 4 kids and then got into some financial problems. Actually, he was never financially-sound, I guess. He earned a fair amount each month, though he just kerja kilang. His wife worked as well, some kerani cabuk or something. They used to live in Seremban-Kuala Pilah-Senawang, somewhere uncool like that la (no offense to Negrians, my beef is with the said brother).

But I dunno what's with those two, their money was never enough. Not even after he chose VSS and got compensated with RM27,000. Not a cent of that money was given to my mother in law, i.e, his and hubby's mother.

Even throughout the years, my brother-in-law, henceforth will be called the idiot, did not send any money to his mother. Hubby's family always had this suspicion that the idiot is under some spell from the idiot's wife and her family. Maybe some nasi kangkang or something, I dunno. My take? The idiot is just one of those spineless, insipid individuals. It's easier to let his wife to make the decisions than to make them himself, so he let her do just that.

So, long story short, the idiot got into a humongous money problem (which resulted from the two of them buying a house they can ill-afford -- who the fuck does that? Ambik loan bank to beli rumah when they can't afford the monthly payment???). Ini kes perasan kaya-raya, padahal belajar sampai SPM je, kerja makan gaji, tu pun malas. Pakai kredit kad, beli kereta lah, motor lah etc. Padahal anak tonggang-langgang.

The bank wants him to pay some RM800 a month or something, basically the amount is about the idiot's salary plus his wife's salary minus a few hundred ringgits. So, exactly how can the idiot pay for all that and still feed his kids, right? The idiot (or maybe it was his wife) got the idea of borrowing from ah long. Brilliant, eh?

Needless to say, the idiot got deeper and deeper into the shithole that he was in already and the idiot wanted to bail. Now, how would any sane person do that? Oh, I dunno, get a second (third, fourth, fifth) job, borrow from a relative or sell off some of their asset or something. That's what a sane person would do. What would an idiot do? Bug his mother about it. The mother he never sent any money to, the mother he left the minute he married that bitch of a wife. That mother who was living on his dead father's pension. The mother who's the only other source of income is her second son, my hubby.

The ensuing story is an on-going one. Tune in for more. My anger is spent for today.

Aku Melayu #001

Kenapa setiap kali aku nak berblog dalam Bahasa Melayu, aku fail? Aku selalu rasa cam poyo gila. Cam ntah apa-apa. Aku cuba jugak nak berblog dalam Bahasa Melayu baku, lagi fail. Sumpah tak boleh blah. Jadik macam poser, macam aku buat-buat. Mungkin medium komunikasi aku secara amnya, bahasa Inggeris, tapi, ye, aku still Melayu. (p.s. aku selalu typo Melayu jadik Melayi).

Ada banyak benda yang buat aku sangat Melayu. Salah satunya, aku memang muka Melayu. Mungkin ada jugak yang kata aku muka Jawa (mak aku orang Jawa, ayah aku 1/2 Jawa). Tapi tak de lah Jawa sangat kot. But then again, so what kalau muka Jawa pun?

Jadi, kalau dah muka Melayu, kenapa nak cakap Omputih? Berlagak? *sigh*. Lazimnya aku biarkan orang yang fikir aku cakap Bahasa Inggeris sebab aku berlagak untuk terus berfikiran begitu. Sebab kalau aku buktikan yang aku sebenarnya tak berlagak, I may even have to be friends with those people.

*shudders*

Amit-amit.

//ha, tu cakap Jawa, tahu tak?

Things I Do Not Like to Do But Have to Do Anyways #001

Structured work. 'Nuff said.

I totally suck at doing something day in and day out, over and over again. I'd rather face new things, new challenges, anything, rather than the boring same-old, same-old. But of course, being a person employed by another, choosing what to do, is but a luxury.

I hate being a slave.

This is one of the days that strengthen my resolve to be a stay-at-home-mom.

Life in the Not-So-Fast Lane

Been a blurry and boring week. Nothing exciting happens. Boo-hoo. I dunno la. Mungkin dah overkill dengan semua exciting things yang jadik last week, so this week is a dead week. Demmit.

One ray of sunshine, a brand new addition to our family.

Meet my HTC TyTN II. I'm calling her... err... actually, I dunno what to call her. Call her my PDA? Nah, too boring. My handphone, that's just wrong, cos she is a PDA. I dunno people, what does she look like to you?

Maybe I should call her orgasm. Ooh.

ps. Sorry for being a tech geek. :-P . Maybe if I rajin, then got review, okay? No promises.