About Me #001

I fancy myself as a writer. I used to be paid working as one. Then I got sick of writing so I quit that job. I looked for another job, found one, loving it, and don’t have to write much – bliss. But something in me just ain’t right, just ain’t clickin’, I ain’t got me some soul food. I need to write. And believe me, I’m the type of writer who writes cos I want to write. I’ll never write cos I have to write.

Don’t let the very minimal archive fool you. Or the low traffic. Rest assured that I am not new to blogging. Or monetizing my blog. As evident by a few of my posts, I have about 700 blogs before this, all abandoned out of guilt, for not updating them, for not wanting to update the blogs cos I have to. I am one of those people who believe that blog entries should only consists of stuff that counts. Sometimes, I run out of stuff that counts, and I hate making up stuff that counts just so that my blog is kept alive.

I write my entries in drafts. Then I edit them. And I re-edit. That, my friend, is the mark of a true writer. A writer never publishes something as is. It goes to different stages of heartbreaking editing, even by your own self and I am my own worst critic. That being said, since I am a borderline narcissist, that’s not such a huge punishment to me, I guess. But I do think long and hard about my entries, my choice of topic, word, etc. It’s a long and laborious process, and so I truly appreciate considerate and mindful responses (if any). Actually, I prefer not having any comments/responses at all.

Why no responses? Aren't responses a good way to know if your entry has reached your audience? Yes and No. Not many people share my sense of humour. Not many people share my point of view. Not many people get what I'm saying. Maybe I'm not from this solar system. And I hate explaining myself over and over again, but I get annoyed when people don't get me, or misunderstand me. So very the drama in my head. So I prefer if people just let me be.

But then, if I'm so against comments/responses, why don't I just disable the comments feature in your blog? Ah, I thought you'd never ask. That's for just in case. Just in case, someone from my planet reads my entries and decides to say hi.

You never know, my brother, you never know.

John Lennon and I

I love the Beatles. Who doesn't? But that's besides the point. I love John. Had I been born 30 years earlier than my birthdate, I would happily stalk John and probably murder Yoko. Probably. Wishful thinking. On second thought, I like Paul better, on virtue of Hey Jude alone.

But to tell you the truth, I discovered Beatles later in my life. I did not grow up listening to their music, though their music did raise me up a little. I first discovered Beautiful Boy by John when I watched Mr Holland's Opus. I even know how to sing that song in sign language, cool eh? Watch the movie to find out what I mean. (Incidentally, Mr Holland's Opus also introduced me to George and Ira Gershwin)

Here's the clip. Part of the lyrics of Beautiful Boy by John Lennon is my mantra for life. Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.

Kesian Blog Engkau...

(Translation : Pity your blog...)

That's what one of my online friend says about this blog. Cos, #1, I kinda abandoned it for a while now -- a few weeks with no new posts?

And #2, compared to my older blogs, this one is a little bit on the not-so-popular side. Not trying to brag or anything (whattafark? You are bragging!!!) I am actually extremely well-versed in blogwhoring and selling my blog and using my online networks of friends to promote my blog.

Now, the question is, in relation to cause #2, why do I seemed to be refusing to promote my blog to my friends? Well, for one thing, I want to express myself. Truly express myself. Truly say what I feel. Of course, in my older blogs, I do this as well, but for the most part, I seemed to be reciprocating others. What I mean is that, instead of writing about what's going on my life, what's my view on things, I tend to echo others.

Case in point, I used to have this tag in my older blogs, "spin-off [blogger friend name]". What happens in the entries with those tags would be me responding towards another friends' entry, That's what I mean when I say I tend to echo others. I no longer want to do that.

Okay, so I shouldn't really be blaming others about this. I shouldn't be pointing fingers and say that it's their fault my blogs have all become somewhat like that. I should have stronger resolve myself. I should be my own person. But the thing is, I am. It's just that, most of the time, I have to be this polite freak who returns the favor. You come visit my blog, you comment, then you start an entry in your blog responding to my entry -- ay! The circle is mercilessly endless!

So that's what's with the brand new start.

Agaknyalah.

Konon.

*sigh*