Again, I Contradict Myself

Okay, so I'm not the most strong-willed person. I get weak in the knees at the mere sight of chocolate. I feel this unnaturally strong magnetic pull towards Starbucks for a Caramel Macchiato (mind you, I've managed to resist that urge so far, okay? No Starbucks for about 2 months now [boo-hoo, big deal], but before that I went without Starbucks for a few years, until I worked at a new place where the office was right in front of a Starbucks outlet, DAMMIT!!!).

I boycott most fast food outlet. Okay, so Malaysians are the ones supplying the chicken etc to these outlets, and mostly Malay Malaysians are working behind the counter, but really, the suppliers, Muslims ke? I don't think so. Yes, very racist of me, I know. Very un-Malaysian. But I have to be cruel to make that kind decision. The kind decision that will, insyaAllah make a difference for my brothers and sisters in Palestine. And as for the minimum-wage workforce within McDonalds or KFC, come on lah, itu kerjaya ke? Seriously, you consider that your career? Do you need us, the majority of the Malaysian population, to keep you afloat? Bro, kalau lu bleh carik keje kat McDonald, wa sure lu bleh gak carik keje kat tempat lain. Mydin ke, Kamdar ke.

But it comes to entertainment, gawd-damn, I'm damned. Of course, even the so-called Zion Protocol enlists the use of entertainment as a mean to control the world. True enough, the entertainment being served right into our homes day in and day out, are mostly from them. Unsurprisingly, some of the major players in Hollywood are voicing their support for this perverted cause. Major players which include Keanu Reeves, one of the fler in my list of 5. *sigh*

Dammit! Now I have to bump him off!!!

List of Five

Here are the rules.

Five celebrities. Anybody goes. If you wanna add the ones that have passed away, go ahead, you sick necrophiliac weirdo!!! (Okay, actually, my original list got the late Heath Ledger in it, but since he's passed, well, I decided to just let the poor guy rest).

Anyways, the idea is to have five celebrities you'd have sex with if ever you get the chance.

You cannot change the list in instances like, you have Brendan Fraser on your list (number 5 or something), and then somehow, you happened to pick up Nick Carter hitchhiking. You cannot, just bump off Brendan off your list just to add Nick, okay? Other instances of bumping off names will be decided upon case by case basis.

Also, you cannot leave one spot empty to fill up "when the time comes"! All names must be filled. Must.

My list?

Huhu. Here we go!

1. Johnny Depp

2. Keanu Reeves

3. Patrick Dempsey

4. Simon Baker

5. Wentworth Miller

Honourable mentions - Jensen Ackels, Hugh Jackman, Orlando Bloom (not the blonde haired one, the dark haired Bloom!) and Sirius Black (yes, from Harry Potter, not Gary Oldman, I'd do Sirius, cos he's dark and brooding!).

All the guys I like are more or less dark haired, for the exception of Simon Baker, 'cos curly blonde hair is too blardy cute! And all the guys I like are mostly dark and brooding -- too serious and intense. Ooooh. Heheh.

Indulge me once in a while, okay?

Antara Dua Darjat

Look at my blogroll. The one on your left that says "The Readings...", you dope. Okay, now in that blogroll, I've included a few blogs that I have followed quite regularly. Blogs that I like. Blogs that makes me laugh. One is a blog of a mommy goddess on prescribed drugs at times. One is a girl who's kickass funny and has a sunny attitude. Three are socio-political blogger who are actually too much of de riguer of late that I'm even considering to remove them from the blogroll, but I love them too blardy much lah. One is another funny fler, and I like him and what he's saying.

The remaining two... Now, they are the fun ones. One of my friend hopped on this blog yesterday and shared with me his thoughts (actually, it was more like his surprise). It went something like this...

HIM : Babe, I know you, so I get the Mamat Khalid link. But Yasmin?
ME : What the hell you talking about?
HIM : What's with Yasmin on your blogroll?
ME : I like her, what?
HIM : HAH! Yeah right.
ME : I do! I like Mukhsin.
HIM : Babe, you love Nina Simone. By virtue, you like Mukhsin lah. Mana pernah filem Malaysia guna Nina Simone as soundtrack.
ME : Not true! Not true! I suka keroncong what???
HIM : Oh, fug off! That doesn't mean you like her, right?
ME : Fug you! I do like Yasmin.
HIM : And besides, Mamat and Yasmin is like... antara dua darjat.
ME : Apekah?

So apparently, my blogroll is now a standing testament that I am indecisive. That I can't decide if I want to be the cool, cultured, artsy fartsy courtesan (chewah, chewah, courtesan siot... tergugat laki aku). Or if I want to be the sarcastic, funny, smart-ass, ghetto kid who gets it all.

I dunno. Which one do you think I am?

Oh, Nina, Nina, Nina... look what you've gotten myself into???

	Nina Simone - I Put a Spell on You
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Been Busy #001

I'm now in the midst of doing my Masters. I am still a bit unsure about it all, and I question my decision on a daily basis, but I dunno. Maybe because it's free??? (Yes, I am currently being sponsored by my employer). Or maybe it's because it's not something I am totally, 100% in to?

You see, I'm very sure I'd do my Masters. Preferrably doing something along the lines of communication -- the very school I graduated from in UiTM. I love the media world, mass communication, even with all its sham and drudgery. I do, I really do, no matter how I bitch about how the broadcasting world is full of fakes who puts sooooo much blardy emphasis on beauty (but not so much on brains!). Although about 95% of the newsreader, newscaster, broadcast journalist in Malaysia can barely speak in English. Although those who can are mostly being sidelined. Although... Well, you get my drift. Despite all these shortcomings and flaws, I love the world of mass communication still.

But now, I'm offered to do my Masters in Instructional Design and Technology -- what the heck??? Well, google the term and read up, that's what I had to do anyways. I actually love the subject, but as always, I'm the kind of person who loves the smooth, shiny, sometimes embossed cover of a book, not so much the content. That's why my books sometimes sit some place unread for years on end. Yes, most of the time, when it comes to books, I am the world's most impulsive shopper. I buy on a whim. And then I don't bother to read. Cos the cover has done it for me.

Now here I am, a few weeks into the programme and seriously doubting my starting in the first place. God, what have I gotten myself into? Can I really cope with all this? Can I really do this? These people -- my coursemates -- have YEARS, AGES of experience in teaching and learning, in instructional design, in education, in training. Me? I have my degree and diploma in mass blardy communication! Do I really belong here? What the hell am I doing here???

I do understand, for the most part, the discussion that's going on, but somehow, I just refuse to speak and sound foolish, I'd much prefer sitting aside silently and appear foolish. I just keep on reading these discussion and going, "what the hell? does it really matter if it's theory or concept or principles being used? why are we arguing about semantics???" whatttttttttt have I gotten myself into???

I have now officially worked myself into a headache. God, please help me.

Please.

About Me #001

I fancy myself as a writer. I used to be paid working as one. Then I got sick of writing so I quit that job. I looked for another job, found one, loving it, and don’t have to write much – bliss. But something in me just ain’t right, just ain’t clickin’, I ain’t got me some soul food. I need to write. And believe me, I’m the type of writer who writes cos I want to write. I’ll never write cos I have to write.

Don’t let the very minimal archive fool you. Or the low traffic. Rest assured that I am not new to blogging. Or monetizing my blog. As evident by a few of my posts, I have about 700 blogs before this, all abandoned out of guilt, for not updating them, for not wanting to update the blogs cos I have to. I am one of those people who believe that blog entries should only consists of stuff that counts. Sometimes, I run out of stuff that counts, and I hate making up stuff that counts just so that my blog is kept alive.

I write my entries in drafts. Then I edit them. And I re-edit. That, my friend, is the mark of a true writer. A writer never publishes something as is. It goes to different stages of heartbreaking editing, even by your own self and I am my own worst critic. That being said, since I am a borderline narcissist, that’s not such a huge punishment to me, I guess. But I do think long and hard about my entries, my choice of topic, word, etc. It’s a long and laborious process, and so I truly appreciate considerate and mindful responses (if any). Actually, I prefer not having any comments/responses at all.

Why no responses? Aren't responses a good way to know if your entry has reached your audience? Yes and No. Not many people share my sense of humour. Not many people share my point of view. Not many people get what I'm saying. Maybe I'm not from this solar system. And I hate explaining myself over and over again, but I get annoyed when people don't get me, or misunderstand me. So very the drama in my head. So I prefer if people just let me be.

But then, if I'm so against comments/responses, why don't I just disable the comments feature in your blog? Ah, I thought you'd never ask. That's for just in case. Just in case, someone from my planet reads my entries and decides to say hi.

You never know, my brother, you never know.

John Lennon and I

I love the Beatles. Who doesn't? But that's besides the point. I love John. Had I been born 30 years earlier than my birthdate, I would happily stalk John and probably murder Yoko. Probably. Wishful thinking. On second thought, I like Paul better, on virtue of Hey Jude alone.

But to tell you the truth, I discovered Beatles later in my life. I did not grow up listening to their music, though their music did raise me up a little. I first discovered Beautiful Boy by John when I watched Mr Holland's Opus. I even know how to sing that song in sign language, cool eh? Watch the movie to find out what I mean. (Incidentally, Mr Holland's Opus also introduced me to George and Ira Gershwin)

Here's the clip. Part of the lyrics of Beautiful Boy by John Lennon is my mantra for life. Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.

Kesian Blog Engkau...

(Translation : Pity your blog...)

That's what one of my online friend says about this blog. Cos, #1, I kinda abandoned it for a while now -- a few weeks with no new posts?

And #2, compared to my older blogs, this one is a little bit on the not-so-popular side. Not trying to brag or anything (whattafark? You are bragging!!!) I am actually extremely well-versed in blogwhoring and selling my blog and using my online networks of friends to promote my blog.

Now, the question is, in relation to cause #2, why do I seemed to be refusing to promote my blog to my friends? Well, for one thing, I want to express myself. Truly express myself. Truly say what I feel. Of course, in my older blogs, I do this as well, but for the most part, I seemed to be reciprocating others. What I mean is that, instead of writing about what's going on my life, what's my view on things, I tend to echo others.

Case in point, I used to have this tag in my older blogs, "spin-off [blogger friend name]". What happens in the entries with those tags would be me responding towards another friends' entry, That's what I mean when I say I tend to echo others. I no longer want to do that.

Okay, so I shouldn't really be blaming others about this. I shouldn't be pointing fingers and say that it's their fault my blogs have all become somewhat like that. I should have stronger resolve myself. I should be my own person. But the thing is, I am. It's just that, most of the time, I have to be this polite freak who returns the favor. You come visit my blog, you comment, then you start an entry in your blog responding to my entry -- ay! The circle is mercilessly endless!

So that's what's with the brand new start.

Agaknyalah.

Konon.

*sigh*