Monday, February 16, 2009

Been Busy #001

I'm now in the midst of doing my Masters. I am still a bit unsure about it all, and I question my decision on a daily basis, but I dunno. Maybe because it's free??? (Yes, I am currently being sponsored by my employer). Or maybe it's because it's not something I am totally, 100% in to?

You see, I'm very sure I'd do my Masters. Preferrably doing something along the lines of communication -- the very school I graduated from in UiTM. I love the media world, mass communication, even with all its sham and drudgery. I do, I really do, no matter how I bitch about how the broadcasting world is full of fakes who puts sooooo much blardy emphasis on beauty (but not so much on brains!). Although about 95% of the newsreader, newscaster, broadcast journalist in Malaysia can barely speak in English. Although those who can are mostly being sidelined. Although... Well, you get my drift. Despite all these shortcomings and flaws, I love the world of mass communication still.

But now, I'm offered to do my Masters in Instructional Design and Technology -- what the heck??? Well, google the term and read up, that's what I had to do anyways. I actually love the subject, but as always, I'm the kind of person who loves the smooth, shiny, sometimes embossed cover of a book, not so much the content. That's why my books sometimes sit some place unread for years on end. Yes, most of the time, when it comes to books, I am the world's most impulsive shopper. I buy on a whim. And then I don't bother to read. Cos the cover has done it for me.

Now here I am, a few weeks into the programme and seriously doubting my starting in the first place. God, what have I gotten myself into? Can I really cope with all this? Can I really do this? These people -- my coursemates -- have YEARS, AGES of experience in teaching and learning, in instructional design, in education, in training. Me? I have my degree and diploma in mass blardy communication! Do I really belong here? What the hell am I doing here???

I do understand, for the most part, the discussion that's going on, but somehow, I just refuse to speak and sound foolish, I'd much prefer sitting aside silently and appear foolish. I just keep on reading these discussion and going, "what the hell? does it really matter if it's theory or concept or principles being used? why are we arguing about semantics???" whatttttttttt have I gotten myself into???

I have now officially worked myself into a headache. God, please help me.


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